I’ve mentioned before that I work with a program that goes into public high school classrooms and teaches kids about law. It’s a fun gig- high school kids are goofy and interesting and take no shit- a nice departure from the typical law school crowd.

Recently I was sitting at a table collecting names and emails from people who might be interested in joining this high school law teaching extravaganza. A newly-minted 1L – high on his first week of classes and his recent discovery that after 25 years of being the dorkiest guy in the room, at law school he is kind of cool – comes over to my table. He looks at the sign, then announces loudly to his new buddies:

“I’m DEFINITELY not signing up for that. They go into the crappy public schools around here and teach those kids about their rights. I don’t think that’s something we should be doing, because I’m very pro law-enforcement.”

And then my head exploded.

- Wear industrial strength deodorant because it might be 97 degrees in your courtroom.

- When you’re direct examining your star witness about how he has been unable to be intimate with his wife since the accident, one of your jurors might fart. Loudly. Think in advance about how you are going to maintain your composure if that happens.

- When you’re cross examining the defense’s star witness, one of your jurors might start snoring. Loudly. Think in advance of subtle yet effective ways to wake jurors up. Options to explore: loud coughing, scooting a chair across the floor, or shouting of curse words.

- If your jury deliberates for 3.3 minutes and comes back with a judgment in exactly half the amount you asked for, it means “holy god this trial was too long and boring and now we just want to go home so we’re splitting the difference and calling it a day,” and it will feel like a hollow victory.