Help.
Going to an art opening tonight. With an old old friend and his new girlfriend who is an expert about art.
I know nothing about art.
“Ooh, pretty” doesn’t seem like it’s going to cut it, does it? “What is THAT?” sounds even less promising.
Quick, give me something to say about art that will make me sound curious and open and interested without making me sound like a total novice idiot or a total know-it-all blowhard.
Commenting on art is all about describing it in a way that has nothing to do with anything visual. Make comments about the art being “angry,” “hungry,” or “generous.” You’ll sound like a pro.
“Whoa.”
“I like it. It makes me think.”
“No sorry, this one does not speak to me at all.”
“Hey, that looks like my Uncle Jimmy.”
All said it a quiet voice, as if you’re in awe.
If she’s good natured, engage her in a discussion about whether artist statements are a load of crap or not. If she rolls her eyes at you, declare her pretentious and mentally dismiss her.
*Ask what she thinks about the artist at Yale who recently caused a scandal by claiming her art was to impregnate and then induce abortion over and over for nine months, before admitting it was all BS.
I like to just say how the art makes me feel, like “This one makes me feel depressed and sad.” OR “This one makes me feel like jumping up and down while clapping.” OR “This one makes me feel hungry. Let’s get some tacos.”
(I am of no help AT ALL.)
Finding phallic symbolism in art always gets me by in situations like that.
Seriously, though? I usually try to read the blurbs about the artists to find out the connection to their art. It doesn’t make me sound more interesting … but, I do look interested. A subtle difference.
or try to ask “probing” questions, so she’ll be doing most of the talking and you can just nod sagely.
like..
you: this is so powerful! do you think this would have had the same effect if it was done in watercolor?
her: art art blah blah blah meaningful artsytalk
you: *nods sagely*
“I love the medium this artist chose. I, too, am partial to pastels.”
“I wonder if this artist used the TRUE form of oils which contain arsenic, even though that is not the norm these days.”
“You know what I haven’t seen lately? Any new Picasso. Has he put anything out lately?”
Oh wait. Don’t say the last one.
“Hmmmmm. Interesting.”