I’m back from Boston- the trip itself was kind of disappointing, actually, since apparently no one wants to talk to a young lawyer from a little fellowship in Chicago when representatives from the biggest fellowships in the country are sitting at the tables surrounding her- but it was a nice change of scenery at least.
The weather in Boston was beautiful while I was there, and I arrived about 2 hours before I had to go to my event. I was STARVING, so I wandered over to Newbury Street and got a table at a little outdoor patio to eat something. As I was waiting, three other groups entered the restaurant, got seated, received bread from the waitress, and received drinks, (one group even received their order) before anyone came over to my table.
Is this a phenomenon of dining alone? Do solo diners always get ignored because waiters assume they will have small check totals and thus small tips?
I have always admired people, women in particular, who are comfortable in their own skin and can sit, fabulous and confident, at a bar, nursing a martini, not a care in the world. (Admittedly, I mostly see these women in movies and on television, so maybe this is a fantasy?) I’ve been trying to become more comfortable with being alone in places where most people go with friends, and I have to say, it kind of sucks. If the friend I am meeting is running late, I want to feel comfortable walking into the bar, sitting down, ordering a drink, and waiting. But I don’t. The urge to avoid eye contact at all costs leads me to futz with my Blackberry or studiously read the specials list or stare at my hands. Is sitting alone at a bar or restaurant a lost art? In Boston, the combination of being outside, on display in my one-ness, and the waitress who insisted on virtually ignoring me was too much, and I found myself scarfing my salad in 5 minutes flat and beelining it out of there. Does anyone have suggestions for making this less awkward?
Maybe it’s because it’s been more difficult for me to make friends since coming back to the Boston area, but I oftentimes prefer my own company to anyone else. LOL – though, what does that say about me?
I love to grab lunch with the girls, do a bit of shopping, and all that, sure, but there’s nothing like grabbing a book, my sunglasses, and camera and heading to the park to get lost in my thoughts.
I so wish you’d be in town longer so we could’ve grabbed lunch…definitely next time!
Maybe they thought you were still waiting for someone? I have been alone in restaurants before and never had that happen to me.
Also, I have a puzzle of that picture! It’s impossible!
Welcome back home! Did you wind up getting a pedicure?
I am often alone when eating out. You must bring a book or something to read. I never sit at bars, because, well, I don’t drink. But sitting down in a restaurant? Reading material is absolutely key. You can also say to the person seating you, “I’m on a deadline, thanks for seating me so quickly” and then there’s a decent chance they’ll pass that along to the waitstaff.
Try going out again by yourself, but this time in Chicago, to a place you’ve been before, and see if it happens again. Then report back to us.
Sounds like last Friday night was practice for your Boston trip, no? I’m right there with ya in terms of hating to do the solo thing at bars, in particular. At a restaurant, it’s still kosher to pull out a book. But at a bar, where the whole point of being there is to be social? Gah. I hate the small talk that might come from being there alone. Not to mention, it’s usually from people I’d never personally chose to speak with. So, like you, I do everything possible to ward away strangers. And as a result, look like the ice queen!
seeing as i’m single, the alone thing is fine… i use my time to scope out men and make eyes at them if i think they’re cute
I’m guessing they thought you were waiting for someone or it was otherwise a fluke. I eat alone on a regular basis and haven’t ever had the problem. Usually the waiter finds me such a curiosity that I am over-waited. You can bring a book if you want, but the best way to be comfortable is to own it. Eating/drinking alone can be exciting (might me new people), relaxing (don’t have to worry about discussion), etc. You have to look (and feel) like you want to be alone in order to really enjoy it.
Drinking alone is dependent on the circumstances. I generally don’t think it’s super wise (read safe) for a girl to plop down at a bar by herself, BUT I have had my watering holes where I’ve done it.
Examples:
A restaurant around the corner from where I worked had a bar inside. I regularly went there with friends for a glass of wine after work, but sat AT the bar. By doing this I got to know the bartenders and after awhile could easily drop by on my own.
Same goes with my local bar. I’m walk down there in the evening occasionally and just sit at the bar, sometimes reading a book in order to keep people from chatting me up. The bartenders usually come over and hang out during their down time.
I guess that’s the key. Pick one or two bars, go there regularly, and get to know the bartenders.
I always bring something to read. I’ve gotten used to it, though I don’t really like being alone in a bar. Restaurants, though, are great places to catch up on reading or grading.
I have that picture in my dining room – love Hopper!
I would bring a book as well. Not because I’m afraid of eating alone (I love it actually, even though I’m married), but then it would also be a cue to the waitstaff that I’m not waiting for anyone. Plus, it might deter pervy guys from hitting on me.
This is why I love eating at sushi bars when I’m out alone – it’s no big deal to eat with my book. Even better are sushi “train” places – no waiting!
Pook, you sport a wedding ring. So, sitting at a bar alone, you are more or less not prey for sketchy men. AND us single girls will start to feel bad for you until we search and discover said ring. Then we’ll just think you’re having a drink and some quiet time to yourself. Which makes you married AND cool. Bring a magazine, order a martini, and practice not feeling so obvious. xoxo.