Some things that I read in magazines inexplicably stick with me forever. I once read that morning breakfast cereal shouldn’t have more than 7 grams of sugar per serving. “That seems doable,” I remember thinking at the time. “What a reasonable approach- not a crazy diet, just a general guideline. I’ll do it!”
Have you ever looked at the nutrition facts in the cereal aisle? This is harder than you might think. Seemingly innocent cereals (bran chex, you taunt me so!) actually exceed this 7 grams guideline. So since I decided to adhere to this random guideline from Shape magazine, I’ve eaten pretty much the same thing for breakfast every morning: bowl of shredded wheat (no sugar!) drizzled with a tiny bit of honey (less than 7 grams sugar!) and milk.
Two days ago, I busted out a small jar of honey that I purchased in Hawaii a while back. I drizzled some over my shredded wheat and took a bite. “Ugh,” thought I. “This honey is strangely bitter and smoky tasting.” But I got used to it, finished the bowl, went about my day.
Yesterday, same thing: strangely bitter and smoky tasting, but I can survive. I brought this honey all the way home from Hawaii, dammit. I’m going to eat it, and I’m going to like it.
This morning, I went back to regular old grocery store honey, hoping that would solve the problem. Worse than ever: bitter, smoky tasting, and just unpleasant. “Man,” I think to myself. “Is there something different about this brand of shredded wheat that I just don’t like?”
I looked contemplatively at the bowl.
“That’s odd,” I said. “Why does it look all curdled in there? Can honey cause milk to curdle?”
No, honey does not cause milk to curdle. Keeping milk 4 days past its expiration date causes milk to curdle. Which means that for the past THREE DAYS I have consumed a bowl of cereal bathed in CURDLED MILK. As in, gone off. Funny-smelling. Spoiled. I was apparently just too unawake to notice.
So for anyone who was wondering: if your cereal suddenly tastes like campfire, you should probably open a new carton of milk. You can thank me later.
Ewwww. Once I ruined a plate of spaghetti with a huge handful of spoiled Parmesan cheese. Oh my god it was so gross. I still haven’t recovered.
That’s NASTY! Eiwwwwww!!!! I think I’d do a squiggly, icky dance after coming to the realization I had that much curdled milk in my system. At least your stomach was up to the test and didn’t fail you at work. Or worse … in the middle of a busy train!
GAH GAH GAH GAH GAH.
I do not like milk as it is and have very strict rules about how it will be consumed: cold, in a glass (not a carton), barely covering the cereal, never with pizza, etc., etc., but this experience would have KILLED ME DEAD.
HAAAAAAAAAAA. and ew.
i once chugged one of those little cafeteria-sized cartons of milk and was halfway through before i realized it was chunky and spoiled. i luckily was near a bathroom so i could spit it all out and gag to my heart’s content.
THAT is foul. Damn. Smokey tasting???!!! WTF? Why does curdled milk taste like a campfire? That is so frickin gross!
At least now you can feel good knowing that you won’t have to suffer through the entire bottle of Hawaiian Hell Honey….it will actually tast GOOD.
OMG. I am an expiration FREAK. Like, I drain the milk at 12:01 on the date it expires.
The thought of you drinking spoiled milk made me die. And now I am dead.
HA HA! One of the ways we found out our refrigerator was breaking was that the milk went bad before its expiration date. The kids were saying they didn’t like their milk, and I was all, “Drink it! It’s good for you!” Then _I_ drank some. OMG.