This is going to have to be brief, because I’m running late for work.  Yes, again.  I remember at my old job, when I was so smug and superior about how I was always early to work.  Turns out, pushing my start time back by an hour and increasing my commute by 15 minutes makes it impossible for me to get out the door on time.  Oh how the mighty have fallen.

John and I went to a wedding this weekend, our 6th of this season.  (One more this weekend and then we’re done until spring- we’ve had 6 in September and October alone, and that’s not counting the four we had to miss because we were double booked.  Dear friends: we love you very very much, but if in the future you could all stagger these joyful unitings of two souls a little more, our wallets would be eternally grateful.  Thank you!)

The one we went to this weekend was a great wedding, full of laughter and really obvious joy on all sides, plus the most delicious wedding food I have ever eaten ever.  In fact, we ate so much that we actual had to curtail our dancing for fullness-related reasons.  That’s a successful wedding buffet right there.

The groom at this wedding has two brothers, both of whom have themselves gotten married in the past year.  So this family has had recent some practice in the fine art of speech delivery, and the brothers did not disappoint.  They had a 15 minute presentation prepared, delivered in the style or a dissertation (their brother the groom recently got his PhD,) complete with flip charts and lab coats.  Now, a 15 minute speech has the potential to be an unmitigated disaster, but these boys pulled it off admirably, and had everyone laughing.

It reminded me, though, of a conversation we were having with some friends a few weeks ago.  One of them brought up the worst wedding speech they’d ever heard, in which the best man went on at some length about how he always thought the bride would end up with a different guy, one of the groomsmen, how she and that guy were perfect for each other, how their personalities complimented each other, etc.  He never really even brought it back around to the happy couple actually getting married.  Awkward.

It’s a great topic, though, bad wedding speeches.  We’ve all been there- the toaster gets a little too toasted before he or she takes the microphone and rambles on too long, or tells a story that’s a little too off-color.  My personal favorite was the wedding where the father of the bride said, and this is an exact quote, the memory is seared in my brain: “Well, we always thought [Christina] was going to marry someone really extraordinary, because she herself is such an extraordinary person.  But [Tom] seems great too.”

He was not kidding.  The silence was DEAFENING.

Please, I know we all have good stories, and some of us can’t share the very best ones on our own blogs for fear the parties in question might, you know, read them.  SO!  This is your chance!  Did the maid of honor call her sister a bitch?  Did the mother of the groom criticize the bride’s parents for being cheap?  Did the groomsman tell a little too much about the groom’s prior exploits?  What is the worst wedding toast you have ever heard?