Okay, team, I need some help. In less than two weeks, I am going to a rehearsal dinner for a wedding. In an effort to discourage people from wearing costumes to the actual wedding, which is on Halloween, the bride and groom have elected to have a costume party rehearsal dinner. I think this is going to be awesome.
But I am a little stuck about costume. Usually, if I dress up at all, I really half-ass it on Halloween. My all time favorite costume is the bloody mary: red shirt, red pants, red socks, red shoes if possible, ponytail with celery stick in hair. (Get it?) Yeah, I’m that girl who likes punny costumes. Sorry.
But since this is, like, an actual costume party, it seems like I should have an actual costume. My original plan, hatched several months ago, was to go as Kate Gosselin. It was easy, it would pack well in my suitcase, it was topical- I even bought the wig.
But I don’t know, guys. I’m not feeling so good about this anymore. I mean, this family has really gone even farther off the rails since I first hit upon this costume idea, and somehow it now just seems a little…mean. I was going for funny, not mean. So I’m reconsidering. And I want your help.
My main criteria for a Halloween costume is that I have absolutely zero interest in dressing as “sexy [instert profession or animal]“. As anyone who has ever been to a Halloween party can tell you, “sexy [insert profession or animal here]” costumes seem to make up 95% of the adult women’s costume market. Some highlights from last night’s perusal of costume websites:
Sexy Soccer Player:
Yes, because I always wear heels when I play soccer.
Sexy Limo Driver:
Isn't my hat jaunty?
If you want to go for something that’s political as well as sexy, there’s always Sexy Border Patrol Agent:
Deportation makes me hot
And my personal favorite of the “sexy profession” genre: Sexy Prosecutor (Slynnro, can you imagine wearing this to court?):
The state has no objection, your honor.
So I don’t want to be those.
I do have a few ideas:
- A. Roller derby, ideally as a Hurl Scout from Whip It. Pros: girl scout paraphernalia can be cheaply had on ebay, would be super fun, Ellen Page is a bad ass, and I kind of have her coloring (though I am, no exaggeration, twice her size). Cons: would require (a) purchasing and (b) wearing roller skates. That could end badly, particularly at an event featuring many beers.
- B. Wednesday Addams. Pros: I already have all the components in my closet, it is Halloween-y and fun without being trampy, and I would get to carry a decapitated doll. Cons: maybe people wouldn’t get it? My hair isn’t quite long enough to pull off the braids, so I might have to buy a(nother) wig.
- C. Kate Gosselin. Pros: I mean, I do already have the wig, and I could just wear some mom capris and a sherbet-colored sweater- easy to pack. Cons: mean (see above).
I am seeking input. What should I be? One of these? Or something else? I am VERY OPEN to other suggestions, so long as they don’t involve a slutty costume made of highly flammable polyester, and can fit in a suitcase.
YES the “every costume for women is Sexy ___”! That drives me berserrrrrrrrk.
I think you could do the Kate Gosselin thing in a non-mean way. But I’m also keen on the roller derby thing—so current! I think I would wear roller skates with the wheels cut off, so I could, like, move. Without falling.
I like Swistle’s suggestion of cutting the wheels off the skates, because the roller derby idea is great. If I have to dress up, I usually go the uber-lazy route of making a gypsy costume out of my closet. Long, flowing skirt, some kind of blouse, lots of long scarves, bangly earrings and jewelry and I’m set.
And yes, not every woman wants to be a “sexy” whatever for Halloween!
I have zero sympathy for Kate Gosselin, so I say: woman, you already bought the wig. Kate it up!
I like the roller derby idea, I think that it would be fun. I am so bad at coming up with Halloween ideas.
Along with your Sexy Prosecutor, I am often subjected to the ideas of Sexy Librarian. Lordy.
I also vote for the roller derby option. Then you can elbow check people and blame it on “being in character.”
First of all, you may be twice the height of Hurl Scout, but you are far from twice her size. =)
Second, a few years ago, I had a big Halloween Party to go to after I ran the marathon. Knowing my body would be all sorts of achy, I opted to wear light blue sweat pants. A light blue sweat shirt with cotton balls sewn in particular patches. And an accompanying spray bottle (filled with water). Whenever people asked what I was, I’d spritz them and say, “Partly cloudy with a chance of rain.” ha.
Finally, I love the roller derby option. And if you’re not down with wearing roller skates the whole night, you could always add paper wheels to the side of your lace-up shoes and call it a day.
First off, I don’t think going as Kate Gosselin is mean. I mean, if you CHOOSE to have your hair cut like that, then face the wrath!
I also like the roller derby idea! Could you wear the skates at the beginning and then take them off?
Oh, I think the roller derby girl would be kick ass. I would skip the skates and just glue wheels to some cute shoes/boots instead. It might look a little less cool, but you won’t have a broken nose for the wedding.
OMG, I cannot believe that I am the first person to vote for Wednesday Addams!
I love her.
Then again, every year I want to go as Sylvia Plath and wear a cardboard box on my head decorated to look like an oven (which ALWAYS gets shot down) so take my advice with a grain of salt.
a) I am SO with you on anti-sexy-costumes
b) I love “punny” costumes, so I may not be to helpful here, but I got a great list from a Real Simple email a while ago. My favorite is the Jellyfish
* A green clown wig + a schoolgirl outfit = Broccoli Spears
* A plastic laundry basket with holes cut out for legs + white balloons + a shower cap = Bathing Beauty
* A white dress + a pipe-cleaner halo + leaves in her hair and “dirt” on her face = Fallen Angel
* Black clothes + yellow electrical tape down his torso + toy cars + Velcro = Highway
* A pig nose + a blanket = Pig in a Blanket
* A blue T-shirt + cotton balls + tape + a water gun = Partly Cloudy With a Chance of Rain
* A polo shirt + khakis (or madras shorts) + a name tag = Jay Crew
* A clear umbrella (preferably dome- shaped) + party streamers or metallic ribbons = Jellyfish
Our Bloody Mary and Dirty Martini night was legendary. My new back up is Static Cling. Wear black and then pin dryer sheets and socks to yourself. Clearly, I’m the wrong person to give advice on this one.
I’d nix Kate for the aforementioned reasons – esp. since it’s a wedding-centric event and the Gosselins are a cautionary tale. One option for the roller derby look is to knot the skate laces and carry them around (or over your shoulder) while wearing normal shoes, thus avoiding risk to life and limb.
I really like your Wednesday Addams idea, but another one that is easy and classic to go as, and you most likely won’t need to buy anything, is Audrey Hepburn from Breakfast at Tiffany’s.
once a week i use a roller skate as my exercise ‘”`
roller skating is my sport, this sport is very enjoyable and is a form of exercise too*`~