Bless you all, friends, for seeing things my way on the Patrick situation. Poor kid, I think he truly thought we’d be…flattered? amused? by his characterization. Instead, we both looked at him kind of horrified and hurried off to the bar for another drink. He probably went home after that weekend thinking to himself, “man, women are CONFUSING.” Which: not really, Patrick, it’s just most of us don’t like to see ourselves referred to as being “bagged” and “cougar” all in one sentence. Particularly when neither is true. That’s not so hard.
Speaking of young’uns and the stupid things they do: it’s intern season in my office again, which is always good times. This summer we have an intern who just finished his first year at the law school I attended. On his first day in the office I was trying to make small talk with him, talking about professors we’d had in common, recommendations for classes next year, that sort of thing. We chatted for a while, identified a few professors we’d both really liked, and then he said, enthusiastically, “I’m externing for Professor X this summer!”
Now, usually I can muster a half-decent poker face, but in the case of Professor X, it’s just impossible. I haaaaaate Professor X. Beyond all reason, really, but the man makes me INSANE. He is petty and mean and smug and like every other negative character trait I can think of mashed up into one person. So poor little extern is telling me about his exciting research project for Professor X and I’m looking at him like I just ate a rancid pork chop.
“Uh, do you not like Professor X?” he finally asked.
“Um,” I said “he’s not my favorite. To be fair, I don’t think he likes me much, either.” (This is true. The man could have been the president of the “Down with Pseudo” fan club.)
“Oh, he said.”
And then we stared at each other awkwardly for a minute, and he left.
The next day, intern came back into my office. “I told Professor X that I’ll be working with you this summer!” he said.
“Um,” I said.
“And you’re right!” he said. “He didn’t really seem to remember you very fondly. But he said you should email him!”
Huh? I should email him? WHY? What would I say? “Hey, Professor X, remember me? We had a three-year-long period of mutual loathing? How’s it hangin’?”
But because I am a faithful follower of instructions, and the kind of person who wants people to liiiiiike meeeeee, I somehow feel like I am now obligated to email the man. I’m not, right? Or am I? And if so, what should I say?
