Who wants to hear a totally pointless rant about a comparatively minor topic in which I make myself sound like crotchety old person? No one? TOUGH COOKIES.
Here is what I would like: I would like to buy a reasonably cute, not terribly expensive summer dress or two with a hemline long enough that I do not risk exposing the entire population of the city of Chicago to Ladytown in the event of a strong gust of wind.
Apparently, that is fucking impossible.
Seriously, clothing designers, does everyone demand micro-minis these days? Is no one interested in a dress that stretches even half way to the knees?
Let’s take a gander at some of the styles I’ve recently seen, liked, and ultimately had to reject because I’d like to be able to sit down in my dresses without fear of underpants exposure:
Adorbs, right? Except when you click on measurement, you learn that the length of the ENTIRE DRESS is 32.5 inches. Because I am a giver, and wanted to demonstrate the true magnitude of this problem, I shall now post for you a picture of me in a dress that I ordered off the internet that was described as being 34 inches long. A dress I eventually gave away to Sam because I decided it was sort of obscene and I was never going to feel comfortable wearing it out of the house:
That’s a lot of leg, my friend! Too much, in fact! (Forgive the lousy lighting – I actually tried to set up a demonstration of this problem last night by folding up my pj pants to the correct length last night, but now cannot find the camera cord. That’s probably for the best.) Anyway, the adorable navy and white sundress above? Is even shorter than the black dress I’m wearing in the photo. Perhaps in a climate with no wind, where one was never expected to sit down, one could wear this? Here in real life, though? TOO SHORT.
Or how about this one? Stylistically, I’ll admit, it’s not for everyone, but it’s yellow! And adorable! And cheap! And the name of the style is “You’ve Got Quail!” How can one resist a dress whose name is a movie pun?
Oh. One can resist when one realizes that the adorable quail dress is EVEN SHORTER than the one listed above. Good god.
How about this adorable floral dress? So pretty and fun in the picture! Perfect for summer parties! And all for less than $40!
Except then when I tried it on in the store IT DID NOT EVEN COVER MY WHOLE BUTT I AM NOT EVEN LYING.
This problem is not limited to sundresses, either. This number is billed as being work-appropriate:
I’m sorry, but is it okay in your workplace to wear a dress that’s six inches above the knee? Because in my workplace, that’s frowned upon. (See how the model, doubtless a tall girl herself, is bending her leg all funny? She’s trying to hide how short the dress is! I see this all the time now! Ladies, look for this scam the next time you are window shopping online- if the model is slouched over and her legs look bent at an odd angle, ask yourself: is this all an elaborate plot to pretend that this dress is long enough to wear in public? Don’t be fooled!)
Or how about a party dress? This one would be perfect for a summer wedding- different and fun, and only $62!
Except- you guessed it! 32 inches long! Congratulations, bride and groom! My pasty white upper thighs say congratulations, too!
Don’t even get me started on shoes, and how everyone seems to think now that anything under a four inch heel is a one-way ticket to DowdyTown. I pretty much went around the bend the other day when I saw these featured, with admiration, on outblush:
REALLY? SERIOUSLY? I mean, come ON.
Yes, yes, yes, yes and yes.
I am having the hardest time finding work appropriate summer wear this year! It’s already hitting the mid 90s in early June… I’m screwed!
I’m tall, but not AS tall as you, and even *I* am having similar issues with summer dresses.
Other main issue with the 932849048 I’ve tried on: They have this bubble pleat thing right around the belly, which I suppose is to be cute and flowy. On someone 65 pounds maybe. I? Look 8 months pregnant. Now, I admit I am not the skinniest person on the planet, but I do NOT look pregnant.
These dresses this season suck. The end.
In high school I was taught that the worse the economy, the shorter the hemlines in style. Really. Perhaps this corroborates that theory?
I would break my leg if I tried to wear those heals. MY WORD.
I’m not even as tall as you and run into the same thing all the time… I found an ADORABLE long dress (like ankle) at j.crew that isn’t hemmed, meaning a pair of scissors turned it into the perfect length. And the long version came about 6″ too long for my 5’7″ frame, so I bet you could keep it long if you liked.
It’s called the Shirred Racerback Gown, not sure if this will let me post a link: http://www.jcrew.com/AST/Browse/WomenBrowse/Women_Shop_By_Category/dresses/knitdresses/PRDOVR~26512/26512.jsp
i work in a more relaxed office, so i’ve given up and just started dressing trampier.
Those heels? Jeezuz. RIDICULOUS. I can get on board with kitten heels, but not heels that have to have a platform to make it physically possible to walk at that height. Wha?????
I have been looking for summer dresses that are work appropriate, and NADA. Nothing. It is so frustrating.
And that’s why WE learned how to make sundresses together. So, you can make that dress customized to whatever length your heart desires.
Another idea? How about Etsy, where you might be able to have the designer make a dress custom to your measurements.
Though I have not tried them myself, I have read rave reviews about the dresses at Shabby Apple. Definitely cute from the photos on the website, and supposedly “modest” (read: not trampy or otherwise showing your Ladybusiness to the world).
Lord. I’m 5’0″ and I have had a hard time covering myself this year, so I can only imagine what it’s like for tall people. maybe the companies are saving on fabric due to the economy?
Target had a BEAUTIFUL sundress and I wanted it SO BAD, and it was TOO SHORT. I looked like I needed a ruffled diaper cover to go under it. I nearly wanted to buy TWO of the dress and use fabric from the second one to make the first one decent.
Shoes are terrible. I wanted some adorable retro dress shoes for my brother’s wedding, and the two styles available were (1) adorable retro dress shoes with four-inch heels and (2) grandma loafers.
Ugh. Clothes. Shoes. Don’t even get me started. I swear people who design clothes sitting around laughing their asses off all day long. “Let’s see what we can get them to wear THIS year and think they actually look good!”
I hate shopping so much that I actually PREFER my maternity wardrobe to my normal clothes because at least everything is LONG enough and loose enough and the waistbands are all elastic and comfy and also people just don’t judge you as much for looking dowdy if you’re a sweaty pregnant lady in August than if you were just a dumpily-dressed sweaty lady in August. It’s kind of a get out of fashion jail free card. Or so I like to believe, anyways. AND! I can blame the constant wearing of flats on the safety of the baby. But the truth is I never wear heels anymore, evah, and I don’t even care if it takes my sex appeal down a notch. Life has enough pain without breaking your ankles to look cute.
Have you tried Shabby Apple? And some of those other “modest” clothing places? Some of the stuff is FUG, but a lot of the dresses and skirts are cute! And long enough for people who want to be somewhere between Britney Spears and Michelle Duggar.
I thought FOR SURE I would not be the first to say this. Perhaps I am your only trampy friend. However, that black dress? In the photo? That you were trying to use to illustrate a point? Yeah, um… it looks AWESOME. I would temporarily harm small children for your legs. Get over it (a little. 32″ might be a bit much) and flaunt it if you got it. If I lived in Chicago you’d be rockin’ mini-dresses and 4 inch heels. Also, email me if you and Stoops want to come to SF for my bday.
I also don’t think the black dress looks obscene! But if it feels short, then you’ll be worried about it all night.
I’ve run into the exact same problem this summer. I think I’ve sent back 8-10 dresses and kept just one. And all from different stores.
I feel like I’m trying on doll clothes. How can it fit perfectly but be 5 inches too short?
Hi – as 5’2″ i dont mind the super short hems as much, but i can imagine how frustrating it must be for all you non-shorties out there.
and i second Tribeca, you look good in that black dress. if you are worried about shorter hem lines, wear flats (it gives the illusion of shorter legs, making your hem not seem so short – and the opposite if you want to slut it up)
also, random question – my friend wants to start a blog, and i love yours. just wondering what site you use to create it, and if you have any recommendations.
thanks!
Kohl’s. Shabby Apple. Dresses that are long enough AND occasionally have sleeves. The answers to my bitchiness over dress shopping.