Bless you all, friends, for seeing things my way on the Patrick situation. Poor kid, I think he truly thought we’d be…flattered? amused? by his characterization. Instead, we both looked at him kind of horrified and hurried off to the bar for another drink. He probably went home after that weekend thinking to himself, “man, women are CONFUSING.” Which: not really, Patrick, it’s just most of us don’t like to see ourselves referred to as being “bagged” and “cougar” all in one sentence. Particularly when neither is true. That’s not so hard.
Speaking of young’uns and the stupid things they do: it’s intern season in my office again, which is always good times. This summer we have an intern who just finished his first year at the law school I attended. On his first day in the office I was trying to make small talk with him, talking about professors we’d had in common, recommendations for classes next year, that sort of thing. We chatted for a while, identified a few professors we’d both really liked, and then he said, enthusiastically, “I’m externing for Professor X this summer!”
Now, usually I can muster a half-decent poker face, but in the case of Professor X, it’s just impossible. I haaaaaate Professor X. Beyond all reason, really, but the man makes me INSANE. He is petty and mean and smug and like every other negative character trait I can think of mashed up into one person. So poor little extern is telling me about his exciting research project for Professor X and I’m looking at him like I just ate a rancid pork chop.
“Uh, do you not like Professor X?” he finally asked.
“Um,” I said “he’s not my favorite. To be fair, I don’t think he likes me much, either.” (This is true. The man could have been the president of the “Down with Pseudo” fan club.)
“Oh, he said.”
And then we stared at each other awkwardly for a minute, and he left.
The next day, intern came back into my office. “I told Professor X that I’ll be working with you this summer!” he said.
“Um,” I said.
“And you’re right!” he said. “He didn’t really seem to remember you very fondly. But he said you should email him!”
Huh? I should email him? WHY? What would I say? “Hey, Professor X, remember me? We had a three-year-long period of mutual loathing? How’s it hangin’?”
But because I am a faithful follower of instructions, and the kind of person who wants people to liiiiiike meeeeee, I somehow feel like I am now obligated to email the man. I’m not, right? Or am I? And if so, what should I say?
I say no to emailing him unless there is some sort of interaction you need to have regarding the intern. If you’ll have any interaction based on the intern, then a “Hi, long time no-see, we’ll be in contact about Intern X, talk to you later” would be reasonable.
Without hearing the conversation between Professor X and the intern, it sounds like just something he said while the intern was telling him about you. I wouldn’t email him unless you needed to.
I guess I don’t really understand WHY he would want you to email him? Maybe the intern just made that up to make the whole thing seem better? That’s kind of weird if you ask me. I say no to the email.
I would not be emailing Professor X. Pretend that you are too busy at work to do it.
You could always forward him bad jokes and you tube videos with the subject line like You have GOT to see this.
Excuse me? The guy made it clear that he doesn’t like you, and god knows what the extern told him about your reaction when he was mentioned, and now you want to email him? NO NO NO.
Is there ANY reason that this Professor X could help you out further in your career? That would be the only reason I would say to email him.
Keep your friends close and your enemies closer…
NO. NO NO NO. unless, as mentioned, it will be awkward NOT to, like you have to interact with him anyway because you have his intern. otherwise: NO.
Look, I’m big on the camp of Not Everyone’s Gonna Like Me. I am friendly enough and I get along well with almost everyone. But there will be people who don’t like me. Shocker, right?
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And you my dear, who are fabulous and funny ad I can share vagina stories over breakfast with, will inevitably have people that don’t like you. (I can totally beat them up if you want me to.)
HOWEVER, that does not mean he doesn’t think you’re good – nay, GREAT – at what you do. Or that he doesn’t respect you either FOR in in spite of the reasons he doesn’t like you.
Maybe you challenge him and it pisses him off but he knows that makes you good at what you do.
E-mail him. Never leave a cracked window unopened.
If what lies on the other side is a shit storm, it’s better to close the window than never find out there was a really effing great day out there.
No, no, no. I am in agreement with just about every one else (AndreAnna excluded) that you should NOT email him. We have enough negativity surrounding us in the world. Why bring more in?
Plus, who’s to say that the intern didn’t exaggerate the story and put words in the professor’s mouth?
Okay and I am firmly in the EMAIL HIM camp because I’m totally curious and you guys, it will be a FABULOUS BLOG POST!
But really, like AA said, what if? I think you should.
I say no, especially since the suggestion was non-specific (email about WHAT?) and came through another party. I think this falls into the category of “Tell her I said hello.”
If you DO email him, I’d make it clear that it was because the intern said the professor suggested it, and I’d make it really quick—as if you thought all the professor wanted was your email address in case contact was needed.
Late to the party here, but even in graduate school, I think professors/teachers are supposed to kind of fake the funk and not make it obvious to others which students they dislike. Jus’ Sayin’. lame. did you email?