Monthly Archives: July 2010

Other people’s hemlines

July 22, 2010

Okay, so you know how I complained like an octegenarian the other day about the horrifyingly short hemlines that are in style this season, and how I do not feel comfortable wearing them?  Apparently my old lady-ness is worse than I thought- it’s not just me I’m worrying about, it’s everybody else.   All I seem to notice are these adorable college-aged girls, here in the Big City for their Big Summer Internship, walking around the loop dressed like they’re looking for clients.  Except not in a “professional” kind of way.  In a “world’s oldest profession” kind of way.

Seriously, I saw a girl walking around yesterday with her friend on their lunch break in a skirt so short I seriously feared that everyone at the corner of Adams and Dearborn was going to learn whether she favors thongs or bikinis.  Another girl was wearing a dress that looked very professional on top- nice silk button-up blouse, attached to a pencil skirt- except the pencil skirt ended approximately 2 inches below her crotch.

But the worst was yesterday at lunch- I was having felafel with my wonderful friend Sara.  Next to us, two girls were sitting and chatting.  They finished, and as they got up to leave, one girl’s skirt became kind of…um…stuck.  In her ass.  Like, the material was all bunched up in there, resulting in a kind of… skirt wedgie?  With her thighs totally exposed?  She was moving too fast for me to stop her and discreetly tell her that she might want to, perhaps, pick her dress out of her butt before heading back out to the street.  Fortunately, the situation resolved itself as she walked through the restaurant- but not before the table of six stockbroker-looking guys all noticed and blatantly stared at her as she walked out of the restaurant, then burst into laughter.

Don’t you see, college-aged ladies of Chicago?  This is the risk! You wear these adorable dresses that look fine when you’re standing still in front of a mirror-  but you’re going to have to sit down eventually!  And when you do, your thighs are going to stick to the faux-leather of your office chair, leaving unattractive red marks, and your skirt is going to get stuck up your ass, and douchey banker boys are going to point and laugh.  Eventually, you’ll have to walk outside, and you’ll be yanking your dress down awkwardly and living in mortal fear of a stiff breeze.

I don’t know when I turned this corner and became the kind of person who wants to pull these nice young girls aside and tell them, kindly, that young ladies are better served by leaving a little to the imagination.  I mean, who AM I?  Nineteen year old me is mortified at the boring conservative meddlesome bitch I have become.  But COME ON.  This is just getting ridiculous.  I know times are tough, but I’ve got to think that clothing designers could afford to throw a few more inches of fabric our way.  Right?  RIGHT?

Posted in miscellany | 8 Comments

My week: a summary

July 20, 2010

I am growing rather weary of explaining to various mortgage-related employees why my husband will not be signing any forms until he returns on August 1.

“So if you and John could just sign that and fax it right back to us…”

“John is out of town, but I’ll sign it to get things rolling.”

“Oh, well if you’ll just fax it to him where he is, have him sign, and then fax it back to us….”

“He’s in remote Turkey.  He doesn’t even have email.  I’m reasonably certain he’s not going to be able to print it, sign it, and return it.  Why don’t we have him sign when he gets back on August 1, as we have previously discussed approximately 43 times?”

“I’m sure his hotel has a fax machine.  If you’ll just call him and check…”

“RURAL. TURKEY.  I cannot even get him on the phone, let alone confirm that whatever tiny guest house he’s staying in has a fax machine.”

(Related: what’s with all the faxing?  I’m convinced the mortgage application industry is single-handedly keeping faxing technology alive.)

“Oh.  Well, ok then, I guess we could just have him sign when he gets back.  When will that be again?”

“August 1″

“Okay, then.  August 1.”

“Yeah, I thought you might say that.”

“Now, on this next form, if you and John could just sign it and fax it back….”

/ scene

Posted in buying a condo | 5 Comments

Oy with the poodles already

July 13, 2010

My weekend fun to unfun ratio is entirely out of whack.  Over the weekend, I:

  • Went to the City Clerk’s office to get a replacement sticker since I was issued one without adhesive.  (Smooth move, city sticker makers)
  • Went to state vehicle emission testing center to get a smog check (shouldn’t Priuses be exempt?  I mean, seriously.)
  • Went to the post office to mail packages, where the line stretched out the door
  • (For those keeping track, yes, that is one city, one state, and one federal agency visited in a single Saturday morning.)
  • Took knives to get sharpened (the “fun” errand)
  • Filled out property purchase contract
  • Dropped off earnest money check at broker’s
  • Fought with broker over his attempts to add conditions to the contract after it was fully executed.  (Lawyered!)
  • Applied for mortgage
  • Wept with frustration

So, yeah, it appears we are buying a house.  This was not my idea, though I’ll admit that it feels pretty exciting, and also terrifying.  Did I mention that we saw this house for the first time on Thursday morning and decided to put an offer in that afternoon?  And that the seller accepted what we thought was a lowball offer, without countering?  And that my husband then left for a two-week vacation on Friday morning? Because he did.  That was good timing.

So yeah.  Busy, stressed, gnashing teeth, rending garments, etc. etc.  How YOU doin’?

Posted in buying a condo | 13 Comments

Whip it

July 6, 2010

I’ve just said goodbye to my inlaws after a five-day visit, and suffice it to say I am ready for another weekend to recover from my weekend.  We had a lovely time, actually, filled absolutely to the brim with activities and family togetherness.  But I know I can’t be the only one out there who is never fully relaxed when there are houseguests of the inlaw variety staying in my bedroom while I sleep on the futon in the guest room.  (Please tell me I’m not the only one.)

I love having people in for the weekend, and I love weekends that are full to bursting with fun and activities, but they sure have a way of throwing the following week off-kilter.  Right now the only food in the house is leftover potato salad and some pickles, I’m down to one pair of clean underpants, and I accomplished exactly zero on a work project I’d hoped to address at least a tiny bit over the weekend.  Oh well.  Such is life.

The highlight of the weekend, comedy-wise, came during a rousing family game of Apples to Apples.  For those not familiar with the game, the basic idea is that one person reads a green adjective card that says something like “happy” or “outrageous” or “timeless” and the rest of the players choose a red noun card from their hand that they feel best aligns with that adjective (like for “timeless,” some submissions included “Romeo and Juliet,” “Niagara Falls,” and “Frank Sinatra.”)

We were playing last night with my mother and father-in-law and my sister-in-law and her partner.  My father-in-law, a rather buttoned up ex cop, draws “playful” as his adjective.  The rest of us look to our hands, select the cards we feel best align with “playful,” and turn them in.  One by one he reads out the submissions, and it’s immediately clear that none of us had anything good for “playful,” and we’ve all decided to just use this round to dump cards.    “The Godfather!” “New York!” “Rust!” (That was mine.  I mean, who hasn’t had some good times with rust, am I right?)

Then he gets to the last card.  He pauses, as the word kind of catches in this throat:   “Whips!”

Sister-in-law, her partner, John and I all totally lose it. Mother-in-law turns bright red, says “no!  oh dear!”  which only makes us laugh harder. And my father-in-law, bless him, considers each card carefully, thinks for a minute, and finally says “you know, I think the most playful thing in this group would have to be the whips!”

And that’s how my sister-in-law’s partner got her first green card of the evening.  Welcome to the family, kid.

Posted in family | 9 Comments